In case you haven’t read what’s going on between us, it’s here, and may undergo edits in the future. Last night before going to bed on a Friday night, I felt like I wanted my wife to know, as much as I could describe, how I felt about her. Below is a very amateur attempt, it’s incomplete, but I think it at least gave her an idea of how I feel about her, especially in case things don’t work out well, I wanted her to know. So here goes…
If love’s tender moments are a song, then your hugs are a symphony. I never paid you the attention your very being demanded. If I had paid attention, I would have noticed the countless moments that betrayed hours of searching for the right gift, or thinking of the best way to help with some problem of mine. Your reminders grew tiresome and aggravating, but not because they were really tiresome and aggravating, but because I didn’t recognize the beautiful heart that the Lord had given you that was showing me care and love that I missed and ignored out of ignorance, and to my shame and loss.
I want you to know, no matter how things turn out, no matter how the Lord finishes up with us, that I could never have found a more thoughtful, sensitive, smart, beautiful woman if He had given me 10 lifetimes to search. There’s your smile, and the things you say to me, or rather said to me. Your appreciation of me being with you, an expression you came up with this last year or so to express your excitement that not only was I done work for the day, but also that I came into the living room to spend time with you instead of the video game. That expression, with great excitement, “You’re heeere!” while only two words, say more than a book. If another woman’s beauty could be said to be a flower or bouquet, then yours is botanical garden filled with the most beautiful, delicate flowers. But mentioning only your external beauty is a crime, and so I would add to it your inner beauty as I have done only slightly so far. Your inner beauty has been mentioned but only mentioned. I want you to know that the deep love that I have for you has only grown during the past month.
I just want you to know, in a poetic way, that I can fully appreciate every part of you, even the parts you have put away from me like kind words and kisses and more. I am trying my hardest to show you the utmost respect during these days and I apologize (once again) for my failings. I’ve already asked for forgiveness, I know, so I can only apologize above that, because I may have broken the most important earthly relationship I could ever have. I’m sorry. And I hope it’s not too late for us.