My wife recently said she had fallen out of love with me and was considering leaving. As I write this in January of 2026, it’s been roughly 6-8 weeks since she said that. It’s not a date I went to record in a prayer journal, although I should have. Since then I’ve asked her for forgiveness for every single sin she’s brought to my attention, and the Lord has worked mightily on me and I feel now as if I will never do these things again. But she may not be around. Even after granting me forgiveness and seeing the changes in me, she’s not in love with me and is not will to commit to staying. I pray the Holy Spirit will speak to her, and the Lord will let her fall in love with the new me. Here’s a very brief idea of why she’s fallen out of love with me:
I stopped being an ‘active Christian’ about 15 years ago. On many days I would read the verse of the day, I often prayed about 5 minutes at the end of the night. As you can see, these are only shadows of what they should be-and I know better! Recently the Lord, through my wife’s talking about some sort of separation brought several things to my mind that I always though were under control. MEN, LISTEN: care for your wives and don’t make these mistakes. Here are the things that I felt were under control, that she said this past November, within weeks of our 38th Anniversary, were causing her to think of leaving.
- VIDEO GAMING: for years, on and off, often very heavily. I had a YouTube channel where I posted video game footage. I never knew that many nights she cried herself to sleep telling herself that, “Tonight, maybe he’ll stop playing, spend time with me, and we’ll go to sleep”
- PORNOGRAPHY: After I was saved, this was not a regular thing. The Lord gave me victory over it for a time, and then it came back and although it wasn’t habitual, neither was it gone and under control.
- ANGER: I did mention we’ve been married for 38 years, right? We started dating 40 years ago on September 8, 1985. From my point of view, minimizing what was happening (because I felt like “I’m a good person” right?) I figured we argued and both said things we regretted.
I’ve written her many poems, and printed off beautiful personal dedications (like HAPPY AGAINiversary for our 40th Dating Anniversary, before all this began). I intend to publish some of these at her suggestion. Hopefully what’s breaking me can help one of our Lord’s children, or be a blessing during a difficult time. My post The Pain of Not Listening to the Lord contains Untitled Poem, an imaginary thought battle that went on in my head back on January 9th.